Why Better Leadership Leaves the Scene
Most leaders go off the rails at times, particularly under stress. That’s when the brain is most prone to shift into default behaviors. You know what they are.
- Being overly directive when you’re near the end of your patience rope
- Getting defensive when people give you feedback
- Telling, when coaching would be best
- Add yours here____________________
In today’s fast paced world, stress is the new norm for leaders. Major shifts in global economies, disruptive competition, and technology changes come at you constantly from all directions. Your world is a constant high pressure system. It’s stressful, to say the least.
Stress can trigger default behaviors, your derailers. When this happens, you’re not your better leadership self, the person you aspire to be. You may be at your worst. After the fact, you regret having gone there. Unfortunately, who you are at your worst leadership moments gets tattooed in people’s minds. You, of course, have moved on.
The shift to your default takes place in a nano second. And once you step onto the roller coaster of derailment, you’re on for the whole ride. First, comes the trigger. Next, your emotions take charge. Old behavior patterns flare up. Your best intentions and your intentional brain recede into the background. The default pattern is laid out in the pathways of your brain. You’ve taken that path so many times that auto-pilot sets in. You’re no longer your better leadership self. The least effective part of you has taken over.
How to Change Your Default Behaviors
What to do? Develop a new habit of mind. How? Apply this four step process. I recently used it with David, a coaching client. It works.
David’s Default behavior: Overly directive. Drives hard for his own agenda. Stops listening. Doesn’t take others into consideration. According to 360 feedback, “David gets shit done at the expense of relationships”.
David knows, and states,
The higher you go up as a leader, the more you rely on others to get stuff done. Success depends on developing and maintaining good relationships.
Knowledge alone didn’t change his behavior.
Here’s what did.
Step 1: Awareness
David read the results of his 360 assessment. He faced his default behavior, and its unintended side affects, in black and white hard copy print. He understood the longer term consequences. People were complying but not engaged. David’s default pattern was the problem. He didn’t like the self he was reading about. He was aware and motivated to change.
Step 2: Calling on a Different Part of You
I asked David to take a 10 minute walk, but not alone. By his side, he imagined two real life friends who know him very well. He asked them what strengths they had observed that he needed to access. How and when had they seen him be more considerate of others? What parts of himself could he call on for better leadership? When David returned from his walk, we identified the other parts of David that equate to better leadership. The listener, the questioner, the person who genuinely cares.
Step 3: Intention
For the next several weeks, David and I had early morning calls every day. David reviewed his agenda for the day. He set his intention about the part of him that would show up for each engagement. Before he entered each meeting, David paused for a reminder about what part of himself would show up. He then walked into the meeting with that part front and center.
Step 4: Outcomes
At the end of each day, David and I reviewed what he observed when he showed up differently. This is the reward that reinforces change.
Rinse and repeat. Keep it up. It takes 9 months of practicing a new habit to change your brain.