It is the obligation of every parent to provide their child with material for future therapy.

I have supplied Baby Boy aka Jordan with a long and substantive list. So don’t worry about your son or daughter having to do without. Baby Boy has enough to share.

When he was young I decided to choose the area of his future neurosis. I thought, “He’s going to be neurotic about something. It will be my fault, so why not choose something of benefit to me?” I chose neurotic neatness.  I created systems for ordering his toys – plastic see through containers that fit neatly onto a shelving unit. The containers were labeled – Lego playground; toy soldiers; cars & trucks etc. As a side benefit he would get a jump-start on learning to read.

Baby Boy is now 20. Here is a picture of his room on a very good day. He is in the process of organizing and packing to go back to Ohio for his Junior year. 

What have I learned from this? Neuroses develop out of the natural order of things. No pun intended, but enjoyed nevertheless.

Among all our parenting failures we did at least one thing well. Independence and self-reliance. The proof as they say is in the pudding. We did not receive the midnight phone call during his freshman year asking, “How much laundry detergent do I use? When do I add it?” Baby Boy has been doing laundry since age 14. He irons, meticulously folds and hangs his clothes – except for the ones that are all over the floor. Those are tweener-duds – too clean to be in the hamper, too worn to be with the hasn’t-been-worn-yet. He plans his diet, does the grocery shopping and cooks as well. He’s not so great in the dish washing and clean up department as you may have guessed. He makes his own travel arrangements and budgets the spending money he earns during the summer. We call the last item “skin in the game.” We committed to pay a specific dollar amount for tuition, room and board, books and other necessities. Baby Boy earns or takes out loans for the rest, including his spending money. He values and is making the most of his college education.

A few years ago I asked his advice for a colleague who discovered her son had not attended classes since week two of the semester. With a sense of disbelief at what he was hearing, he replied “Get him out of there. He doesn’t value what he’s getting and he’s wasting their money and his time.” After several interventions with the school, a series of incomplete grades, a semester at home while taking a few courses, and months of therapy, my friend sent her son back to school. He repeated the failed attendance pattern, and is now living at home.

Here’s the lesson I learned from all of this. As parents do what you do well. The neurosis will take care of itself.

By the way, here is a picture of Baby Boy’s closet. Perhaps my lesson plans were too specific. Oh well, too late now. I think it’s really that he’s a clothes hound and has nothing to do with me at all – except that when he asked I taught him how to fold clothes just as my mother taught me.

Here is Baby Boy with Cousin Sarah. You can follow him on twitter @JordanSPerschel, but if you tell him I sent you, you may get a quick “unfollow.”

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

My Life on Twitter

Over the course of my life on Twitter I’ve collaborated with a number of people. They include:

@thehrgoddess – Jane Perdue, research on how professional women perceive and use power

@SusanMazza – workshop proposal

@MarionChapsal – top secret project

@CherryWoodburn – @Chrysula @JenniferVMiller – contributors to the top secret project

@DorothyDalton – small group testing the viability of a business

@MarciaReynolds – guest blogger on her Hufffington Post column

@LauraGoodrich – guest on her radio show

@ElisCoit – guest on her radio show

@MikeHenrySR & @KellyKettleboeter – led a webinar for Lead Change and recipient of many generosities from both

@eschreyer – exploring possibilities

@davecarpenter @KatTansey – contributed to their e-book

@AndresTTapia – conversations in diversity. Generously sent me his book The Inclusion Paradox

@TMODOM – Tanya Odom is presenting to a professional organization where I serve as VP of Programs. Tanya is also the inspiration behind #lifewithmyboys

In addition to collaborations there are friendships and helping hands.

@minutrition – personal librarian who sends articles of interest that expand my world

@royatkinson – provided Mac tutorials and we occasionally laugh together on Friday afternoon phone calls

@Dr.DavidBallard & @SCJoson – Advisors to me in my role as Chief Cultural Idiot Officer, providing instant answers to questions such as What is <3? Remington Steele? etc.  David introduced me to the HR leader of a company that won the Psychologically Healthy Work Place Award and I interviewed her for an article on Work-Life Flow – creating a culture of engagement.

@KevinWGrossman – initiated a pick your brain call as he’s launching a new career direction

@timhurson – responded to @marionchapsal invitation and is contributing to our top secret project.

@emoticomma – wonderful laughs as well as deeply touching conversations about life unforeseen

@GwynT – a role model of grace and good humor who has generously shared her story with me

How She Tweets

Here’s how it typically goes between women. A direct exchange follows common interest in a topic.  We sniff and dance around each other with a few DMs or Replies. Follow Fridays come next. The courtship continues with a supportive comment on each others’ posts. Eventually there may be an email exchange or skype call. And if the dating goes well an invitation to engage professionally may result. Some of us have even met in person or had group skype calls. It is typically a mix of play and work, although sometimes just pure fun – Patti Dragand who is @strategicsense @JudiCogen and I shared Friday night wine when one of us put out a call for some cheering up. There may also be a request for permission to quote @phyllismufston or generous feedback on a new website. The major step in these various moves centers around positive feedback and connection. Difference and differentiation come later.

How He Tweets?

The other day I had a different experience with a @drbret. He and and I have occasionally retweeted each other, and I think there may have been one or two replies or DMs.  Recently, Bret referenced my post What’s Missing from the Halls of Power in his post Discover Your Own Wisdom. I was highly flattered when I received the automated notice and immediately hit “approve.”  After stroking my own ego I went to Bret’s site and to my further delight discovered he had quoted me at the very top of his post. WOW. I hoped that my head would still fit through the doorway. It got even better. Bret referred to me as an accomplished professional. Surely the doorways would need to be widened.

BUT WAIT. What was this? Bret was criticizing what I said. How could he do this? He didn’t even reach out to me before posting. I felt insulted, used and a bit of the fool. He was using my quote to make a point about what people shouldn’t do. Ouch. Deflation. Downsize the doorways.

Atop My High Horse and Back Down Again

Within minutes I was riding my high Feminine horse. “A woman would not treat a twitter friend this way. She would find common ground, connect, and co-labor-ate. This is the way it should be done if we are to learn and grow together.”

Enter C.E.O. of my E.G.O. She observed my petty reactions and had a few words with me after which Little Ms. Defensive got off her high horse. Her emotional response dissipated and her old friend Thinking returned. New thoughts began to flow.

Could it be that a challenge is another way to engage and create a shift in thinking? Could it be that Bret was engaging as a colleague but in a different way? Suddenly I was energized. The CEO left me the following note:

“Dear Missy Biz Shrink. You grew. Bret’s actions caused you to react. That reaction led to a sense of outrage.  That outrage made your adrenaline flow. That adrenaline flow made your brain pop. That brain pop opened up a new perspective.  That perspective expanded your thinking. So what, Missy Biz Shrink, is your problem? You believe in growth and expanded thinking. Get over yourself and your need to have people do it your way.”

There you have it. Men and women – sometimes we do things differently. Both approaches have value but only if we value them.  So did I

1. Invite Bret into a conversation?

2. Write this blog without doing so?

3. Discover a 3rd both/and option?

Visit Bret’s blog to find out.

This exchange with Bret has been more like a ping pong volley (challenge) than a cheer leading squad (support), which is what I’ve experienced with women on social media. Each works. Imagine the value added when they work together.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

I spent many a lecture in graduate school waiting for the sages to utter pearls of wisdom. It happened twice, and both times the statements were profoundly simple. Marv Weisbord spoke these words a long time ago and I remember the essence but not the exactness of what he said. I’ve added my own experience to the mix as well. (Hope it’s okay with you Marv.)

The consultant sees and names what’s missing, such that the clients find it for themselves.

The feminine way of perceiving, thinking, making meaning, and being in the world has long been missing from the halls of power. Feminine is relational, nurturing, concerned with building community, empathic, intuitive, and expands to incorporate vs. conquer the other (think pregnancy). Feminine has her shadow and masculine has one of his own. Each helps to keep the shadow of the other in check. We call it balance, the yin and yang,

I advocate passionately, cajole, humor, argue, push, and do whatever is needed to give the feminine perspective a seat, preferably three seats, at tables where important issues are considered and decided. In her book, Women Lead the Way, Linda Tarr-Whelan argues that when the table is comprised of  30% women the conversations change. I have seen this happen. And Jane Perdue, who was part of a fem-trio at the senior leadership table in the cable and communications industry, says three became a powerful game changer.

Why do I advocate for the feminine view – a perspective that is also within and can be presented by men? Because it’s what’s missing, and it’s been missing for several hundred years. If the masculine was missing, I’d advocate for that.

Either one alone is only half of what humanity is and can be. Together we are more than twice as much.

Gratitude to my dear colleague Marion Chapsal for insisting on interviewing me as part of our work on a top secret project. By doing so she inspired this post. She also provided the top image. Merci mon soeur. Co-labor-ate. It’s what we do.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Wageman’s book is the only one I’ve come across that addresses leading teams of leaders and the unique attributes of the organization’s most senior team. Over the course of a ten year study of such teams around the globe the authors found only 25% were outstanding based on performance and increased capability over time. Senior Leadership Teams presents a clear simple model and real examples to illustrate what differentiates that 25% from the rest.

Lack of agreement about how many people and who is actually on the team is one of the more surprising findings of the study. In addition to naming team members, other steps in creating outstanding teams include the decision about whether to work with a team; what kind of issues the group tackles; and the development of clear team norms. The role of the CEO in developing this team of leaders is also highlighted. The authors present new models such as multiple teams for different purposes and strongly suggest that being a direct report to the President or CEO does not mean one is by default a member of the senior leadership team. The authors also discuss which areas most CEOs have difficulty addressing and how to overcome these obstacles.

This is a book I keep by my desk and use often when called to help develop the senior team. It is on my list of recommended reads for CEOs, senior executives, business consultants and coaches.

To view this book on Amazon click the link under the book image on the right hand column (3rd from the top.)

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

On Father’s Day 2010 I’d like to share some things my Dad taught me.

Take Donuts to Lunch

Going to work with my Dad at his mattress factory presented a number of treats, including sliding down the wide, glossy, smooth, wooden shoot that sent mattresses gliding from the second floor to the first. A second treat involved a seat at the counter of Tom’s lunch to enjoy a plate of hot dogs and beans casserole. This treat often included Donuts, a local panhandler and alcoholic who would hit up my Dad for money as we walked across the street for our lunch date. It all seemed very natural because that’s the way it always was – the three of us in our swivel stools at the counter of Tom’s Lunch enjoying our meals together. When I was a bit older my Dad told me, “When someone on the street asks you for money buy them something to eat instead. You never know what they’re going to do with the money, and everyone could use a good meal and some company.”

Lesson 1 – Give with Integrity

The Fire and Accounts Payable

After serving in the military my Dad attended and graduated from law school, but when his father died, my Dad took over the family mattress business where a number of family members were employed. The factory was in Chelsea, Massachusetts, a city famous, or infamous, for its fires. Back in those days box springs were stuffed with horse hair – very flammable. Next door to his factory was a lumber yard – very flammable. One night we got the call. “Your factory is on fire.” We could see the smoke from our home in Marblehead many miles away. The factory burned to the ground. My father was devastated and he was never the same again.

One of the things my Dad grieved the most was the death of his pet bird. When all was said and done the only thing that remained un-charred was his accounts payable ledger that had been locked in the safe.  In the weeks that followed my Dad visited each of his vendors carrying the accounts payable ledger and promised to make good on his debt. And so he did. The accounts receivable ledger burned in the fire, and I doubt he ever recovered what was owed to him.

Lesson 2 – Act with Integrity, no matter what. No excuses.

World War II and Cigarette Butts

During World War II my Dad’s army buddies would take a few drags from a cigarette then crush the remains under their boots as a way of teasing German soldiers who begged for cigarettes. The U.S. army guys did the same with chocolate. They would eat a few bites, then crush the rest under their boots. My Dad thought this was cruel and inhumane, so he gave his un-smoked portions to the German prisoners. He also shared his chocolate bars with them. My Dad told me, “When you treat others with a lack of humanity you lose your own.”

Lesson 3 – Treat others with integrity, no matter what. No excuses.

Humility

With the exception of the Donuts episodes, which I experienced first-hand, none of these stories was told to me by my Dad. He did not do things to be noticed. He just did them because he believed it was the right thing to do.

Lesson 4 – Be humble.

Post Script

My Dad was not a perfect human being and in many ways he was not a great father. He had no idea how to be a Dad to an adolescent daughter. For this reason and because he was so devastated by the fire he became lost to me before he was gone. But I will always and forever be grateful for the lessons he taught by being the person he was. Thanks Dad wherever you are.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Do we need a he-leader AND a she-leader?

In today’s complex world a singular go-it-alone leader won’t suffice. He or she cannot possibly understand or focus on each and all the critical issues. Setting priorities doesn’t help when everything in the web of inter-related factors is equally important.

The President Can’t Do It

Consider the Obama administration. Before assuming office the country entered an intense economic crisis. The president’s and the country’s agenda included health care, education, finance and immigration reform; terrorism; conflicts in the middle east; climate change legislation; and ending nuclear proliferation. Enter the economic crisis in Greece and the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. This agenda does not begin to account for building the organizations and developing the relationships required to deal with these issues and run day to day operations under a new administration.

Corporate Executives Can’t Do It

Corporate executives also hold extreme jobs in a 24/7 global world where communications never shut down. Why do we run these complex structures with a single leader who can’t possibly attend to all the agendas and dynamics? Is it the age old unreasonable reason – “that’s the way we’ve always done it?”

Families Don’t Do It and Neither Does Intel

Consider that the family unit, a much simpler structure, is run by a duo. The semi-conductor giant Intel uses a “two-in-the-box” structure in cases where one person does not have all the required knowledge or competence to lead the organization.

Command and Control Won’t Do It

Add one more problem. The command and control style is without doubt the wrong paradigm for this era. Enter the feminine – collaboration, emotional savvy, intuitive thinking, community building, relational focus. While women don’t have a monopoly on these competencies, according to my research they bring them to the forefront and as a result men begin to incorporate these qualities as well.

The Kind and the Queen Can Do It

So, why not have a King and a Queen, a she-leader and a he-leader who integrate the feminine and the masculine to lead the organization? As an added side benefit we might also bring the gender agenda to an end. We could stop having THAT conversation after a few years of comparing how he does it to how she does it.

What do you think? Should we go for two?

For more uncommon practices to crack the glass ceiling and shift a failing leadership paradigm click here.

P.S. On this same date, as if in an act of serene-dip-ity, Nick Kristof, New York Times Pulitzer Prize winner, posted an Op Ed suggesting a King and Queen of America. I believe Mr. Kristof was holding tongue in cheek. My tongue is not in my cheek, nor am I holding it – much to the surprise of those who know me.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

To Copy the Cat or Not to Copy the Cat?

Tony Hsieh CEO of Zappos is a business rock star as well he should be. He is changing the meaning and experience of work. Kudos. Along with others I have been shouting his praises over the past several months. But we are all missing the point if we attempt to copy Zappos. After all a copy cat is at best an imperfect replica of the original.

When Intel builds a first of it’s kind state of the art semiconductor plant they “copy exact” successive plants. When Japanese automakers began their rise, many U.S. companies studied the new competitors’ manufacturing processes and copied exact. Copy exact may work for manufacturing plants. It didn’t work for the auto industry and it won’t work for business leaders who should know the unique character and added value of their company, then play it to the max.

To Be Original Be True to Essence

Zappos is what it is because Tony Hsieh is who he is. His essence (described in chapter 1, part 1 of the Corporate Soul series) is the parent gene that gave birth to the Zappos culture. Tony builds social groups. He plays. He defies conventional wisdom. It’s what he does. And then he engages the community in building the community, playfully. So building the Zappos culture is now a community affair. Every employee contributes to defining the culture. And they do so as they play together.

No company will ever be exactly like Zappos, nor should they strive to be. Tony and Zappos Deliver Happiness.

What does your company deliver? And how do you discover what it is?

How to Uncover Essence

The essence of the founder(s) or early influencer(s) is the parent gene. The company culture grows, intentionally or unintentionally, from this DNA. Here are a few examples of company founders and how their essence infuses the culture.

Founder/Influencer               Company               Essence

Steve Jobs                     Apple                      Innovator, aesthetic beauty

Andy Grove                    Intel                        Fierce survivor, competition

Walt Disney                    Disney                    Creator, imagination

Yvon Chouinard             Patagonia               Lover of outdoors, adventure

Aligning with Essence

Essence, like the acorn, is present from the beginning, even before the tree is visible. In fact, it IS the beginning. But just as we no longer see the acorn in the tree, essence can also become invisible. At the individual level essence is found in what we have always loved, what we are drawn to like a magnet. It is an itch that won’t go away. It is what we return to over and over again. At the organizational level essence is heard in the founding stories and tales of the early years. It is the badge of honor pinned on company heroes. When companies intentionally align with essence as they grow, all is well. When they don’t a crooked tree grows in Brooklyn.

The right outsider, the one who listens and sees below the surface is well-positioned to uncover essence when insiders have lived with it so long that they no longer see it. So leaders be advised to invite a visitor, a deep listener, an anthropologist of sorts, to the corporate table every now and then.

Click here to view the fate of the copy cat.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Leadership Leap Frog is a game for leaders of the informal or formal variety. It requires multiple players but is more fun and progressive when an entire organization gets involved. The formal leader, the one with the title, goes first by jumping beyond where he was standing and the way he was thinking and behaving. This move is called a trans-form-ation as it involves changing the boundaries of one’s form. It inspires Follower A to stand on the leader’s shoulders and leap beyond him. With this move A becomes the informal leader.

Follower B, inspired by both the formal and informal leader, but she must jump twice, first standing on the formal leader’s shoulders, then standing on the shoulders of the informal leader. Follower B is now leading the pack.

More importantly the whole group has moved ahead. It has been trans-formed. Inspired by A & B, the formal leader performs a double leap.

And so it goes. Each and every player participates in the continuous transformation of the game’s boundaries, advancing himself and the organization as they all leap for joy.

Player Requirements

In order to play the leader must be self confident and humble. She leaves her ego at the door. She must be willing to surround herself with players who will at times surpass her. She must also obey the principle that leadership is proven by concrete achievements as well as the continuous expansion and realization of human aspirations.

Leadership Leap Frog at Zappos

Tony Hsieh who appeared as an otter in Chapter 1 of the Zappos series has been transformed into a frog, not by the kiss of a princess but by my imagination. The play by play of his leadership leap frog game is reported below.

Announcer: Hiseh starts the game with a giant leap of faith in the possibility that work can be fun. In this one leap he accepts an offer to sell LinkExchange a company he co-founded. He leaps because he now dreads going to work. The company got too big too fast. The lesson? Stop chasing money. Start chasing passion. Pay attention to culture.

In Tony’s next few jumps he and some friends create a venture fund that invests in Zappos and a few other start ups. Eventually he accepts an offer to become CEO of Zappos. He leaps again, committing to Culture as Job 1. And #1 on the list of cultural attributes – have fun – which means build a community of people who enjoy being together.

Now Keith, Follower A and a Zappos employee, leaps over Tony’s shoulders to the head of the pack. After an urgent call from Tony and no time to go home to pack, he boards a plane from Sacramento to Kentucky. Zappos had outsourced logistics and shipping, it’s core expertise, to a company that was really botching things up. Keith is tasked with straightening things out. He expects to be there for a week. Eight weeks later he is still living in a hotel and has purchased a new wardrobe.

At the same time Zappos is running out of cash. Tony thinks about Keith’s commitment, about how he left home on an hour’s notice to save the company. What a leap.

At the moment, standing on Keith’s shoulders, Tony decides to make the next big leadership leap. He invests the rest of his savings, the hundreds of millions he earned from the sale of LinkExchange, in Zappos. If Keith could leave home with an hour of notice and give his life to Zappos for eight weeks, Tony would do the same.

The game goes on. Zappos is an extraordinary company making extraordinary leaps in bringing soul and meaning to work.

Click here to read more about Collaborative Transformational Leadership also known as Leadership Leap Frog.

To return to the first chapter in this Corporate Soul series, click here.

The final chapter – What Not to Learn from Zappos. One reader said it may be the most important one in the series.

I usually post only one picture but I really liked both of these and couldn’t decide, so I used my rule of shopping. When you can’t decide, get both.

I have really enjoyed your comments, as have other readers, so please continue to voice in. If you know of any corporate souls worth a post, please mention them and I’ll be in touch with you.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Click here to listen to a recording of my conversation with Elese Coit about fixing the hole in the corporate soul and learn how to bring your essence to work.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

“Pursue growth and learning,” is fourth on the list of Zappos’ ten core values, and the shoe seller walks the talk. Zappos employees are paid for mastering new competencies.  They receive an incremental raise for becoming certified in any one of the company’s 25 skill sets, and employees choose which competencies to master. They can learn to run a customer service chat room or become a mentor, regardless of their current job title or level. The benefits to Zappos go beyond increased employee engagement. If, for example, there is an unusually high number of customer requests for on-line chats any certified employee can help.

Enabling employees to choose which competencies to learn and rewarding them as they do so meets three criteria of work-life-flow.

1. People have a sense of internal control over their actions and progress because they choose what to master.
2. They receive feedback in the form of certification (or lack thereof) and a pay increase.
3. In all likelihood, they choose to learn something they find meaningful.

You are invited to join the Corporate Soul Movement.

Please take a moment to comment and spread your words about souls at work.

See how Zappos CEO provides a shoulder for others to stand on and then stands on theirs. Click here to read Leadership Leap Frog.

©2010 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.