Gender on Mars & Venus, the Sequel

First – I hope no one takes offense. This post is intended to make us all laugh, because if we all don’t laugh at ourselves who will?

Second – Please feel free to ad rules as you see fit.

Third – I claim no credit for this list.  A friend e-mailed it to me.

Note: The above items are numbered in sequence in contrast to list below. Neither is right. They are just different.

MAN RULES

WE ARE MEN.

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED ‘1 ‘ ON PURPOSE

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND

READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.

YOU’RE A BIG GIRL.

IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.

WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.

YOU DON’T HEAR

US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS

BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT..

LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS

ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!

STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!

OBVIOUS

HINTS DO NOT WORK!

JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE

ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A

PROBLEM ONLY IF

YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO.

SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR

GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE

IN AN ARGUMENT.

IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7

DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.

DON’T

ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF

THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER

ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING

OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT

DONE.

NOT BOTH.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT

YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY

DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED

DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE

WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.

PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT,

NOT A COLOR.

PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY ‘NOTHING,’ WE WILL

ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG.

WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE

HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN

ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE,

ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE… REALLY.

1. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH

TOPICS AS BASEBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN

SHAPE. ROUND IS

A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP

ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.

BUT

DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT? IT’S LIKE CAMPING.

FROM ANNE PERSCHEL

THE GARAGE IS A ROOM.

WHEN I CLEAN THE GARAGE I AM CLEANING THE HOUSE.

FROM SUSAN MAZZA

WHEN I SAY “HONEY, YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT,” IT MEANS

“I WASN’T LISTENING IN THE FIRST PLACE.”

Have a rule? Please send it as a comment to this post.  All appropriate rules will be added.