I wish it wasn’t true, but alas…
Lack of self-confidence is the biggest and most common obstacle to success for professional women, according to professional women. How do I know? Find out by joining me for three stops on the Professional Women and Self Confidence Discovery Tour.
1. Research on Professional Women and Self Confidence
In 2011, a colleague and I conducted research with over 200 high level professional women, working in large corporations. (Click her to download the free report.) We asked, and they named, internal obstacles to achieving career goals. Lack of self-confidence was THE NUMBER ONE ISSUE.
The cat with I.V. is quoting one of our research participants.
2. High Achieving Professional Women and Self Confidence
More recently, I hosted a women’s mentoring event for a high tech client. Two accomplished women, both of them C-suite executives and board directors, were mentors for a Q and A format. The question,”How do you help women raise their self-confidence?” drew their longest and most personal responses. Our two mentors made it clear that women’s Chief Self Doubting Officers, stick by our sides, regardless of impressive achievements. (Tips from these two women mentors appear in up-coming posts in this series on professional women and self confidence.)
3. Coaching Professional Women for Greater Self Confidence
In March, 2014, 3Plus International held our 10th live on-line Mini-Coaching session – Tame Your Chief Doubting Officer. Women, lots of professional women, registered immediately after the announcement went out. To date, it’s our most oversubscribed Mini-Coaching event. (You can participate, April 22, in a live re-run.)
Coach’s Tips to Increase Self-Confidence
Tip 1: Consider the context
Tip 2: See what happens when the tables are turned
1. For many women, struggles with self confidence occur on a playing field created by men. In the moments when our struggle takes place, men are likely to comprise the majority of players on the field. The game itself, the rules of play, the language, the uniforms, etc., were also created by men, for men. For these reasons, men seem more confident that they will succeed in this game. That’s not an accusation. It’s simply their territory, and compared to women, they’re more familiar and more comfortable with it.
It’s important for women, and men, to consider this context when evaluating a woman’s self-confidence. By doing so, we avoid generalizations, such as, “She lacks self confidence,” or “I lack self confidence.” Consider the context and say, or think, “On this field, in this game, on this day, it’s understandable that I’m not as confident as I am elsewhere.” The problem, stated this way, is smaller and less about me than it is about the context in which I find myself.
2. I coach and consult with men, captains and lieutenants of industry, as they prepare to address a room full of professional women gathered for women’s leadership events. In these situations, the tables are turned. Here’s what happens, often. These cool-as-a-cucumber men, who speak to global audiences, address boards and Wall Street crowds, seek advice from women about what to say. They seek three times more advice than usual. They request dress rehearsals. They ask, “How did I do?” On the day of the event, they sweat. They’re dry mouthed. Their knees shake. When they finish their introductory speech, they head for the door, and find a seat at the bar, in the comfort of other men. Some share the video tape, Dad’s proud refrigerator-magnet-moment, with their daughters.
So, consider the context before you double ding yourself.
Ding 1 – I’m not self confident in this situation.
Ding 2- I’m a person who lacks self confidence.
Skip or delete ding two.
The next post in this series, 4 Steps to Build Self Confidence can be found here.