The story you are about to read is based on real events. The two main characters have asked not to be identified, but everything else is reported as it occurred.
Paul is a well-known professional in his field and a former college football star who turned down an invitation to try out for the Denver Broncos. Nathan, Paul’s nephew, is 23 years old. They are each over six feet tall, big-chested and broad shouldered. They both work out – a lot. This is important to the rest of the story.
Mouthing Off About Diversity
Paul and Nathan were among a small number of guests in our home after the twosome had attended a New England Patriot’s football game earlier in the day. During dinner they talked about events that took place in the stands. More importantly they shared their reactions and decisions about what to do. Nathan set the stage.
“This idiot, who was part of a big group sitting behind us, was running his mouth before the game even started. Then Kraft [Patriot’s owner] comes out for the pre-game announcement and he wishes the crowd ‘Happy Holidays.’ That’s when the mouth-runner yelled, “Hey Kraft, you f–ing Jew bastard, why don’t you say, Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah?”
Paul and Nathan each described their internal reactions to mouth runner’s comment, along with their rapid assessment of the situation. Separately and simultaneously, they came to the same conclusion.
Do Nothing
“The guy was dissing everything. Nothing we said or did was gonna change his attitude. If we said anything there’s a good chance it would turn a fight, and we would be thrown out of the game, maybe even arrested.” Nathan spoke from a recent experience in which he was attacked while attempting to calmly reason with some loud mouth trouble-makers on campus. Nathan threw a punch, obviously a good one, in self-defense, was arrested, and later faced the possibility of criminal charges along with a one year suspension from college.
Nathan argued that he bought the tickets from a friend’s father and season ticket holder. A fight emanating from those seats might have resulted in causing the father to forfeit the tickets for the season or for good. Paul went on to describe the thoughts, feelings, and reactions pulsing through his body following the Jew bastard comment. “This is the stuff that really gets to me. I can feel the blood pumping through my body, my heart racing, my muscles tightening. All I can think about is how if I say something, he’s gonna come back with some wise-ass crack and then I’ll want to shove my fist down his throat and beat his head against the bleachers until … which is why it’s always best for me not to respond”
It was not a quiet dinner conversation. The shouting belied the distress and internal conflict Paul and Nathan were each having with themselves.
What Would Rosa Park’s Do?
As a woman, I don’t usually have to think through such consequences. I speak up freely for and about diversity, but I never considered that doing so might be safer for me than it is for some, most, or all men. This gives me pause.
During the pause I thing about leaders of the civil rights movement intentionally choosing Rosa Parks, a woman, to stay seated, refusing the expectation and then the demand that she move to the back of the bus. Civil rights and diversity, would have taken a very different turn had movement’s leaders chosen an able-bodies man instead.
I am still taking pause to consider that as a woman I have not yet fully understood nor appreciated the power of these un-named dynamics and gender differences. But it does seem that women have greater freedom to be effective vehicles for change, and for diversity, in ways that men cannot.
While pausing I’d love to hear and be informed by your views.