To let go of ego, think of your brain as a company with different functional areas of expertise and a different leader for each. Ego is simply one of those functions. Like all functional leaders, Ego is inclined to step beyond his turf. Ego’s natural instinct is to do that – a lot.
Let Go of Ego
The road to greatness is not paved with ego.
In “Would You Want Your Surgeon to Have a Coach?” Christopher S. Ahmad, MD., New York Yankees head team physician, includes a section called, Let Go of Ego. Dr. Ahmed writes:
“Surgeons and many other performers often find it hard to be self-critical. This roadblock is perhaps the most common obstacle to improvement that I see in mid-skill-level surgeons.”
The ability to shift from ignoring mistakes to capitalizing on them may be the largest separating characteristic of weak performers …compared to the more elite.
I am in solid agreement with Dr. Ahmed, and It’s a greater truth for leaders whose ability to ignore mistakes has some help. Their errors often occur in the less visible realm of people skills, or bad business decisions that show up later. It’s always Ego that does the ignoring.
Why Ego Takes a Front Seat
Ahmed says its cognitive dissonance, which occurs when we have two or more conflicting thoughts and/or beliefs. The conflict rattles our brains. It causes tension and distress. We seek to resolve, dissolve, or find another way to rid ourselves of these feelings, quickly.
Cognitive dissonance occurs when our belief that we’re good at what we do is confronted with information to the contrary, as in negative feedback. We can resolve that dissonance in two ways.
We can decide:
- I’m not as good as I thought, or
- The feedback is wrong
But, if we allow ourselves to be with the discomfort, a third option arises. Just below the discomfort, is our knowledge and ability to accept that we’re not error free. When we accept that reality, we can choose to get better by working with a coach, or taking some other approach.
When ego comes to our defense, however, she prevents us from noticing option three. So first, we have to put her in her rightful place.
Two Step Practice for Controlling Your Ego
Ego gets called to action by functional areas of the brain related to emotions. When you feel a threat to self esteem, strong emotions tend to rise up. When this happens ego can take over. After all, it’s her job to protect you from such threats. But that interferes with getting the feedback you need to get better at what you do. Worry not. Help is on the way.
Your brain’s executive function, or CEO, is in charge of all other functional areas, except instinctual reactions, such as breathing. Your CEO determines which function is called for when, and gives the marching orders. When psychological threats uproot your CEO, ego takes over. You can get her under control with these two steps:
- Be aware that you’re feeling defensive, or that feelings are over-riding your thinking functions. These signal indicate you’re feeling threatened; that ego is present and taking charge.
- Call on your CEO to make a better decision about which function to put in charge
She’s likely to call on humility, the function best suited to seek and hear feedback.
If you want to talk about implementing this plan, give me a shout, or a whisper.
Christopher S. Ahmad, MD, is a professor of clinical orthopaedic surgery
at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons and an attending orthopaedic surgeon at the New York-Presbyterian/Columbia University Medical Center.
Dr. Ahmad is the head team physician for the New York Yankees, the Rockland Boulders, the New York City Football Club of Major League Soccer, and several high schools throughout Manhattan and New Jersey. Additionally,
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