How She Tweets. How He Tweets?

My Life on Twitter

Over the course of my life on Twitter I’ve collaborated with a number of people. They include:

@thehrgoddess – Jane Perdue, research on how professional women perceive and use power

@SusanMazza – workshop proposal

@MarionChapsal – top secret project

@CherryWoodburn – @Chrysula @JenniferVMiller – contributors to the top secret project

@DorothyDalton – small group testing the viability of a business

@MarciaReynolds – guest blogger on her Hufffington Post column

@LauraGoodrich – guest on her radio show

@ElisCoit – guest on her radio show

@MikeHenrySR & @KellyKettleboeter – led a webinar for Lead Change and recipient of many generosities from both

@eschreyer – exploring possibilities

@davecarpenter @KatTansey – contributed to their e-book

@AndresTTapia – conversations in diversity. Generously sent me his book The Inclusion Paradox

@TMODOM – Tanya Odom is presenting to a professional organization where I serve as VP of Programs. Tanya is also the inspiration behind #lifewithmyboys

In addition to collaborations there are friendships and helping hands.

@minutrition – personal librarian who sends articles of interest that expand my world

@royatkinson – provided Mac tutorials and we occasionally laugh together on Friday afternoon phone calls

@Dr.DavidBallard & @SCJoson – Advisors to me in my role as Chief Cultural Idiot Officer, providing instant answers to questions such as What is <3? Remington Steele? etc.  David introduced me to the HR leader of a company that won the Psychologically Healthy Work Place Award and I interviewed her for an article on Work-Life Flow – creating a culture of engagement.

@KevinWGrossman – initiated a pick your brain call as he’s launching a new career direction

@timhurson – responded to @marionchapsal invitation and is contributing to our top secret project.

@emoticomma – wonderful laughs as well as deeply touching conversations about life unforeseen

@GwynT – a role model of grace and good humor who has generously shared her story with me

How She Tweets

Here’s how it typically goes between women. A direct exchange follows common interest in a topic.  We sniff and dance around each other with a few DMs or Replies. Follow Fridays come next. The courtship continues with a supportive comment on each others’ posts. Eventually there may be an email exchange or skype call. And if the dating goes well an invitation to engage professionally may result. Some of us have even met in person or had group skype calls. It is typically a mix of play and work, although sometimes just pure fun – Patti Dragand who is @strategicsense @JudiCogen and I shared Friday night wine when one of us put out a call for some cheering up. There may also be a request for permission to quote @phyllismufston or generous feedback on a new website. The major step in these various moves centers around positive feedback and connection. Difference and differentiation come later.

How He Tweets?

The other day I had a different experience with a @drbret. He and and I have occasionally retweeted each other, and I think there may have been one or two replies or DMs.  Recently, Bret referenced my post What’s Missing from the Halls of Power in his post Discover Your Own Wisdom. I was highly flattered when I received the automated notice and immediately hit “approve.”  After stroking my own ego I went to Bret’s site and to my further delight discovered he had quoted me at the very top of his post. WOW. I hoped that my head would still fit through the doorway. It got even better. Bret referred to me as an accomplished professional. Surely the doorways would need to be widened.

BUT WAIT. What was this? Bret was criticizing what I said. How could he do this? He didn’t even reach out to me before posting. I felt insulted, used and a bit of the fool. He was using my quote to make a point about what people shouldn’t do. Ouch. Deflation. Downsize the doorways.

Atop My High Horse and Back Down Again

Within minutes I was riding my high Feminine horse. “A woman would not treat a twitter friend this way. She would find common ground, connect, and co-labor-ate. This is the way it should be done if we are to learn and grow together.”

Enter C.E.O. of my E.G.O. She observed my petty reactions and had a few words with me after which Little Ms. Defensive got off her high horse. Her emotional response dissipated and her old friend Thinking returned. New thoughts began to flow.

Could it be that a challenge is another way to engage and create a shift in thinking? Could it be that Bret was engaging as a colleague but in a different way? Suddenly I was energized. The CEO left me the following note:

“Dear Missy Biz Shrink. You grew. Bret’s actions caused you to react. That reaction led to a sense of outrage.  That outrage made your adrenaline flow. That adrenaline flow made your brain pop. That brain pop opened up a new perspective.  That perspective expanded your thinking. So what, Missy Biz Shrink, is your problem? You believe in growth and expanded thinking. Get over yourself and your need to have people do it your way.”

There you have it. Men and women – sometimes we do things differently. Both approaches have value but only if we value them.  So did I

1. Invite Bret into a conversation?

2. Write this blog without doing so?

3. Discover a 3rd both/and option?

Visit Bret’s blog to find out.

This exchange with Bret has been more like a ping pong volley (challenge) than a cheer leading squad (support), which is what I’ve experienced with women on social media. Each works. Imagine the value added when they work together.