Once Upon a Time There Were Only Two

I’m in my first year of graduate school. The professor is leading a discussion on the correlation between medical/psychiatric diagnosis, race and ethnicity. There are two black students in the class. Neither speaks. I am puzzled and disappointed. After class I ask the professor about this dynamic, and hear for the first time what will later become the Rule of 3. Referencing social science research she states, “Until three members of the non-dominant group are present, they typically will not speak up, and if they do they will often not be heard.” Something rings true and I tuck this tidbit away as a possible Rule of Life.

Years Later

Creating Change

As one part of my corporate consulting, coaching, and writing focuses on bringing women’s talents to the leadership table, I untuck the tidbit, and it becomes a hallmark of my work in this arena. When companies ask what metrics to set for women’s initiatives I respond with the Rule of 3. It highlights a critical dynamic that often goes unnoticed – lack of attention to the voice of the lone woman in the room. I identify what needs to change. Add more women to the group. Other experts and thought provokers in the field of women’s leadership also reference ratios that amount to the number three. See Linda Tarr Whalen and David Gergen, (staff adviser to four presidents and senior political anaylst at CNN) in his introduction to Enlightened Power: Transforming the Practice of Leadership. Three changes the conversation and the culture. Not many argue about the need for a culture of greater collaboration, for basing business on social and environmental good – value creation, engagement, caring about people, and more.

The Magic of 3

What is the magic of 3? Pyramids, tripods, triangles, spirituality. Two creates balance. Three goes further. It creates stability. We announce first second and third place winners – gold, silver, bronze.Third time is a charm. Two can agree or oppose. Three breaks the tie. It moves things forward. Three allows us to see more than two sides of an issue – a third way. It is the third eye seeing into another world.

In the world of diversity and inclusion of non-dominant groups, the ones who did not set the rules or determine the prevailing cultural norms, one of a kind will often not speak up. Too much attention. Too much risk. Two don’t want to be seen as always agreeing with each other. They want to be seen for their individual contributions, not as representatives of the “other” group. Too much pressure. Too much loss of self.

3Plus

It is now many years after graduate school. Dorothy Dalton, Lise Moen, and I start a business that creates a high achieving network of mentors and sponsors, as well as safe spaces to grow, for game changing women set to take charge of their own careers and business ventures. We play with names for our company. “New Girls Network” is the most straightforward – a parallel of the Old Boys Network that will do for women what the Old Boys do for men. The name is taken. Move on. We get stuck. Then…

Dorothy’s son, Sam Lloyd Jones, digital media account executive, suggests we don’t need a name that describes what we do. We can create one that raises curiosity, gets people engaged in discovering what we are about. “Try something irrelevant it doesn’t have to mean anything.” 3Plus emerges. There is one problem. It really does mean something – BIG.

3Plus International is raising a glass and the ceiling above us to ensure 3 women at top leadership teams in each and every company we touch – the early adopters. The rest will follow.

Speaking of follow, you can find 3plus on twitter where we share bits and bytes and engage in conversation about the advancement of women.

Care to join us? And of course, please invite 3 others.

3Plus International Women Worth Knowing

Have you experienced the Rule of 3? Have you been or observed the lone woman, man, or person of difference? We invite your comments and stories.

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

3….Plus is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology

NOW Leadership - The Best of Masculine & The Best of Feminine

Flummoxed. Befuddled. Speechless.

Why?

What words of introduction could do justice to this collection of entertaining intelligent and thought provoking contributions that include:

• Aubrey Hepburn and the Pied Piper on film
• Sexy Frenchmen ironing clothes while wearing none
• The music of Edith Piaf
• Tom Peters reading aloud
• The man behind the woman behind the man behind the woman named Dietrich
• and more

So please without further ado grab your favorite glasses – be they reading, wine, beer, martini, coffee, tea, water or otherwise. Climb into your most comfy chair and then indulge your mind, your heart and your senses. You may enjoy a chuckle or two as well.

When a French Man Explains Masculinity to Women

Do All French Men Iron in the Nude?

by Marion Chapsal at Geronimo Coaching

You won’t see this in English anywhere else. Marion provides a unique translation of highlights from “The Man Explained to Woman” by French author Vincent Espedes. Beware of bold language and racy pictures as Marion discusses “The Balls Philosophy” and explains why “The future of business belongs to the feminine archetype” and the men and women who adopt and embrace it. Link to post

The Little Big Things – Gender Section

by Tom Peters

Tom quotes a headline from The Economist “Forget China, India and the internet. Economic growth is driven by women.” as he reads 4 short pieces from his newest book. He tells us “The customer is She,” so “Knock off the football analogies.” Tom has been obsessed with this issue since 1966 and you get to hear what this obsession has produced.Click to hear Tom

25 Brain Tips

by Dr. Ellen Weber at Brain Leaders and Learners

Ellen explores how we can capitalize on the differences between the brainpower of men and women to raise our leadership and innovation IQs.  Neuroscience research is cited to support the claim that big wins come from the brilliance of our blended masculine and feminine wisdom.Link to post

Sloshing the Coffee

by Jane Perdue at Get Your Leadership Big On

Here’s a bit of levity along with good advice to follow Ellen’s brain workout. Only the original HR Goddess could address stereotypes and instigate change by sloshing coffee. Jane shares her story with intelligence and humor.Link to post

Men in the Workplace: Power and Privilege

by Paul McConaughy at FURI – Focus Urgency Reach Impact

Very special thanks to Paul who wrote a wonderful article about those who are born to power and privilege and are blind to its effects.  I asked Paul if he would write about this issue from his own perspective. Taking on this mission is to be the lone voice telling the emperor he has no clothes, when thousands tell a story he would much prefer to hear. Paul is a man of courage.Link to post

When Empathy Leaves the Room

by Gwyn Teatro at You’re Not the Boss of Me

In a previous NOW post Gwyn listed empathy among the critical attribute of 21st century leaders, and I agree..totally. Empathy cures. Empathy resolves problems. Empathy dissolves anger and addresses hurts. Empathy helps create products that fit. Gwyn shares a clip from an Audrey Hepburn movies and describes a real work environment devoid of empathy and full of dysfunction.Link to post

The Rise of the Feminine in Leadership

by Anna Smith at What Do You Want From Them

Anna Smith honors us with a post written specifically for NOW. It is laced with intelligence and “deathless inspiration” as she expands and deepens the definition and thinking behind NOW Leadership. I am also grateful for her list of men and women who write about leadership from the NOW and a balanced perspective. If for no other reason, and there are plenty of those, check out Anna’s post to add to your own list of NOWLeadership resources.Link to post

Redefining Greatness (It’s Complicated)

by Tony Schwartz at The Energy Project

After discovering Tony on Anna’s post (above) I contacted him and offered an invitation to write for NOWLeadership. He responded immediately with an email stating, “My mother, Felice Schwartz, who died in 1995, founded Catalyst in 1962, which has been fighting the battle for women in leadership now for nearly 50 years. So I’m honored to be thought of someone who supports women, and writes in ways that reflect masculine and feminine. I’ll await your invitation!” I hold Catalyst in high regard for the tremendous effect they have on the way women are valued in business, so I was especially thrilled to meet Tony and to hear about his mother. In this post Tony addresses the need to for leaders to integrate what may seem to us opposing qualities. I look forward to Tony’s future contributions written specifically for NOW. Link to post

Women Leaders: Not Seen, Not Heard, Not Utilized

That’s me at Germane Insights

“I am not fighting for women but for the future. What got us here won’t get us there and women are critical to the difference we need to create.” This post was written to engage conversation about and increase the inclusion of women on “Best Leadership” (blogger, writers, speakers, thinkers) lists. It worked. The conversation is, in part, here on this post and more diverse “Best” lists have been noted. The writing also represents my core thinking about why we need more women alongside men in leadership. A hat tip to Wally Bock who originally included this piece as a guest post on his Three Star Leadership Blog. Link to post

Is it Divisive to Talk about Gender in Leadership?

By Cherry Woodburn at Borderless Thinking

Cherry believes that questioning assumptions, being curious and inquisitive while discussing various sides of an issue are at the heart of learning. She chooses a point/counterpoint style in her post about whether it is helpful or not to identify gender as a leadership issue and leadership as a gender issue. She references comments from the previous post “Women Leaders: Not Seen…” in making her points and counterpoints.Link to post

Women and Soft Power in Business

By Vineet Nayar at Harvard Business Review

Speaking of gender and leadership, here is a post by Vineet Nayar CEO of HCL Teachnologies Ltd, a global IT services firm and author of Employees First Customers Second. He says we need more leadership by influence versus coercion. Some of NOW’s contibutors have taken this a step further by calling for power with to replace power over. Marion Chapsal co-creator of NOWLeadership kicks off a conversation with her comment on Vineet’s post. Link to post

Glass Ceilings for Women Entrepreneurs

by Gini Dietrich at Spin Sucks

Finally, Gini has a true story that might surprise those who think there is no longer a need to discuss issues of gender in doing business. Gini finds a very clever way to address the question, “When do we get to meet your husband?” and the underlying assumption that he must be the real business brain and the ultimate decision maker. Link to post

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

NOW Leadership – The Brrrrr Edition is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology

After dropping our son at college, we drove away in an aimless fog.  The trip had been carefully planed through this point – then no plan, just the road ahead and the still silence in the car.  Tears. 

We drove for hours and stopped when we were tired and hungry, slept, got up and drove to Chautauqua Institution in NY.  I could not bear the thought of going home to that empty house.  The new plan – exhaust ourselves.  Go home so tired, that we fall asleep immediately.  Do something we would never dream of doing with Jordan.  So we spent the day at a center for the arts, education, religion and recreation.  It was lovely and just what the doctor ordered. The sadness was still there but less penetrating.

Two days post drop off, I woke up at home to the strange and dreaded emptiness.  I had no idea what to do.  The previous year I tried to be home at much as possible in case J. happened to show up in between school and all his social activities.  There was way more anticipation of than time spent together.  When he did arrive it was usually for a nap. Now I was free, anticipating nothing.  Big whoop.

After J. was born I took up photography and completed a course in dark room techniques.  I loved it.  Developing a photograph, watching what emerges, is like opening a gift or perusing the garden and taking delight in the smallest signs of change.  It was years since I had journeyed on my own just to take pictures. I grabbed my old manual camera and perched myself on a large rock by the pond.  I decided to take a photo of a frog sitting on a lily pad.  It turned into an unplanned meditation.  Five minutes – no frog.  Ten minutes – no frog.  Twenty, thirty – frogs were not cooperating with the plan.  I looked skyward.  Oh My God.  I am surrounded by wild blueberry bushes.  I have lived here for 3 years and had never noticed.  Picking fruit in the wild is one of my favorite activities.  What a gift.  I put the camera down and spent the rest of my journey collecting and eating the luscious fruits of transition.

With the gift of the blueberries, after two days in transition – preceded by a full year of anticipatory emotions – I got it.  The empty nest brought the gift of noticing all that had been there for years waiting to be discovered. 

Post script:  A year later, I continue to enjoy noticing the world and experiencing the joy of be-ing the mother to a delightful adult-in-process.

My wishes to you on your journey – may you accept all that transitions bring.

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Space in the Nest for Blueberry Bushes – Emptying the Nest Part 2 is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology