Allow Me to Introduce…Myself?

My name is…Anne?

I am a confident professional woman worth…knowing?

And I am asking why women end their statements as if they are questions? I seem to be doing it…too?

Ladies, what’s up with the question mark love?
I can’t think of many better ways for women to further dis-empower themselves.

Please…stop?

Oops. That was a mistake.

Stop!

That was better.

Five Experts – Question Marks Galore

The other night I attended a dance program choreographed and performed by artists in residence at The Yard.

After the performance, the five choreographers took center stage to answer questions from the audience. One after the other, each of these young women punctuated her answers using the annoying uptick, ending her statements as if they were questions. Each woman seemed to second guess her words before they left her mouth. The tone conveyed,

I have no authority.

I don’t want to risk being wrong, or being right for that matter.

I am not sure of myself.

Don’t take me too seriously.

So why should we?

Each of these young women had choreographed a strong piece rich with meaning. None of the pieces appeared to be a question. Each and all were statements.

But when it came to representing themselves, their thoughts, their expertise, their passions, they danced with questions.

Why?

Ladies, if you do only one thing to enhance your career, stop speaking in questions, unless you are asking one.

Okay?

Let me here you say…

Okay!!

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Women: What’s Up with the Question Mark Love? is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology

Introduction

This is Part 1 of a two part series. The first segment highlights why gender matters in leadership and how gender based obstacles to enjoying success in leadership and in life are changing. Part 2 addresses the three most important things women can do to earn top leadership roles in business and remove these barriers. The series is based on a conversation with Linda Carli, co-author Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership and social psychology professor, Wellesley College, in which we discussed our research and our experiences. We did what women do so well. We shared, built on what the other said, opened new doors and possibilities, and enjoyed the energy of the exchange.

So many women, so few in leadership roles - why?

A brief history of leadership in the 20th century begins to answer the first question. In the early 1900′s when most people were not well-educated, the “great man” theory espoused leadership by a small number of men thought to possess superior intellectual and moral capabilities. Three factors led to a shift away from this theory after World War II. First, the G.I. bill enabled more men to become well educated. At the same time the manufacturing industry in the U.S. was booming and creating a need for more managers. Finally, as college educated G.I.’s filled these roles they formed a generation of managers and leaders who shared the military’s command and control style. These factors perpetuated hierarchical organizations with cascading levels of management and the prevalence of the command and control model. In this system, most leaders were men and leadership was equated with masculine traits including the tendency to be dominant, aggressive, and individualistic, to take charge, provide answers and exert control. (1)

In the late 20th century as women took on management roles they had to learn how to survive in the command and control culture. It is a well-known phenomenon that minority group members who enter the dominant culture blend in at first and are especially likely to be seen in stereotypical terms when they are viewed as tokens. Consultants who work on diversity issues refer to the “rule of three” – the need to include at least three members of a minority group in order for their voices to be heard and to influence the dominant culture.  As a result of being one or two among a peer group of men women in business roles still walk a very tight line. They live in a double bind. Women are required to demonstrate just enough masculinity – assertiveness and individualism – and to balance this with the right degree of femininity – softness and and community orientation. They receive little credit for either and are subject to criticism if they stray too much to either side.  “A woman who is strong and assertive, a command and control type, is seen as difficult and bitchy, but a woman who is warm and helpful is seen as weak and incompetent,” says Carli. On the other hand when men are warm, empathic, and thoughtful they are perceived very favorably but behaving this way is seen as a bonus not a requirement. Men have more leeway and options for how to lead. Women have fewer degrees of freedom and are held to different and higher standards. As a result they have to be more conscious of everything they do, another factor that makes their challenge more difficult.

How Gender Stereotypes are Changing

The good news for men, women, and business is that women are resolving this double bind through transformational leadership which plays to their strengths – developing relationships and focusing on the greater good. Transformational leaders are also more successful and achieve better results. Why? According to Carli the modern organization has to be fast and nimble. Leaders have to create an environment that encourages self-motivated people who learn and adapt quickly. This takes a highly empowered work force that can only be built by leaders who hone communal qualities such that every person knows they play an important role in advancing the organization’s goals.

Transformational leadership is fast becoming the standard for great leadership. As this happens women – who demonstrate greater propensity for this type of leadership – are being noticed as well. In turn, men are also being freed from gender stereotypes and the pressure to be aggressive and individualistic.

Equally as important to achieving this shift away from gender stereotypes is the fact that men are participating more fully in family roles – as caretakers of children, home and aging parents. Carli states that personalities are driven by opportunity. We develop the characteristics required to fill our roles, meet goals and address the challenges presented along the way. This is illustrated by the development of greater assertiveness by women in professional roles. She also notes a recent Gallup poll indicating that 29% of men would stay home to raise their children if they had the choice. If their hopes are realized they will increase their interpersonal skills and ability to care for and about others.

In summary as men and women take advantage of increased opportunities to participate in roles once reserved for the “other” sex, gender stereotypes, including those about leadership, will continue to fade.

1. Perschel, A. (2009) Women in Leadership: From Politically Correct to Competitive Advantage. Available at germaneconsulting.com

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Leadership and Gender – Why It Matters and How It's Changing is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology

In the world of work it’s important to show up on the radar screen. According to a study of 2900 employees by a Chicago based search firm lack of self-promotion is an important reason behind the disproportionately low number of women in executive roles. If the right people don’t know how you contribute to the department or the company, you are less likely to be promoted and to be granted important opportunities. Even if you don’t aspire to a senior level position you risk being viewed as expendable if your achievements are not visible in the current cost cutting environment.

The art of self-promotion is a problem for many women who are reluctant to talk about their achievements because they see it as bragging, bold, or aggressive. Recently I explored this topic with Wendy Gelberg, colleague extraordinaire – always willing to share resources and expertise. Wendy is a certified career coach and resume writer and author of The Successful Introvert: How to Enhance Your Job Search and Advance Your Career. She specializes in advising people in the area of self-promotion.

If we go back hundreds of years we see women gathered together tending the home front as the men go off to hunt. No individual woman stands out. Each takes a turn stirring the stew, watching the children, or gathering berries. Everyone contributes. The men too hunt in groups, but each has his own arrow and when it is time to take aim and shoot, each man acts alone. Each can identify where his arrow landed. Men take pride in being the best shot.

Fast forward to the 20th century. Men were out earning a living – building bridges, constructing railroads, making cars. Women tended the home and raised children. Imagine a mother pointing to a child and claiming, “Look what I made.” It just doesn’t sound the same as when Dad points to the bridge and states, “Son, I built that bridge.”

Women have a long history of being in the background maintaining the structure of home and family – the first “group” in which we are members. Women are more inclined to think about the group and the community, whereas men concern themselves with the group, the community and self. Unlike men, women sense that talking about themselves and their accomplishments is unrelated to maintaining group harmony.

But in the 21st century women have to learn how to succeed in the workplace. The rules on this playground include self-promotion as well as group harmony. At the same time it feels unnatural to violate the rules we as women have played by for generations. What to do? Wendy suggests that letting others know what we’ve achieved can help them. This reframes what we are doing from bragging to helping maintain the community. Other people have needs that we can fill. They can benefit from our knowledge, our expertise, what we’ve accomplished and how we did it. For example, Wendy would never tell me that she is becoming an expert on how to use Twitter to help brand and market herself. Instead, she offers to help me and shares her expertise. I return the volley with helpful hints I’m discovering. When I meet someone who is looking for help in this arena, I refer them to Wendy as an expert. She has succeeded in tooting her horn without bragging.

Your manager and her manager need to know what you’re working on and what you’ve achieved. If they don’t know, it’s difficult for them to do their jobs. So consider sending a monthly report or scheduling a regular meeting to let your manager know what you’re doing; what went well (you could even tell her what went extremely well); where you encountered problems; how you resolved them; and where you need her help.

Here are a few tips to ease yourself into talking about your accomplishments and strengths.

1. Reference what others say about you

“I thought you (department manager) would want to hear the feedback we just received from one of customers.”

2. Have a friend or co-worker describe what you do, your achievements and your strengths. Incorporate this into your networking introduction, job interviews, etc. “My co-workers describe me as….”

 3. Have someone interview you, asking questions like: “Tell me about some of the projects you’ve been working on?” and “What work-related accomplishments make you proud?”

Then have them introduce you as if to a third person. Listen and take notes. Use these descriptive statements when networking, during a job interview or when talking to your manager. Because these success stories describe the entire set of circumstances and the broad context, as well as your role, they feel less like bragging and more like simply reporting the facts.

There’s a lot of traffic and noise out there in the workplace. To advance your position, avoid collisions or being wiped out you have to toot your horn on occasion.

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

Road map to the Executive Suite – A Woman's Guide to the Art of Self Promotion is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology

Myths and legends can help you follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City of career fulfillment.

Celia was the only female Vice President at her company. She’d noticed how vendors invited the male VP’s to football games all the time – but not her. As the daughter of a high school football coach, she loved the sport and had made her interest clear to her colleagues and vendors, to no avail. She knew it was important to get invited to the games for building relationships, but she didn’t know how to break in.

For help, she turned to leadership psychologist and coach Anne Perschel, Psy.D. “I asked her, ‘Who do you want to be?’ ” Perschel recalls. “Cinderella waiting for the prince to come, or Joan of Arc who went into battle and created a place for herself?” Celia immediately go it. She decided to create a tailgating event and invite her colleagues and vendors, both men and women. After that party, she was included in several other sports events and became part of the Monday morning post-game phone call circuit. This helped her develop closer relationships with vendors and, in turn negotiate better terms and deals for her company. She also broke tradition and made an important change to the culture.

Using archetypes like Cinderella and Joan of Arc can an be important tool in leadership coaching according to Perschel and other experts. “Myths and fairy tales conjure up powerful images,” says Perschel, who estimates that 40 percent of her colleagues use myths in coaching. “These are common stories, so everyone knows what you’re talking about. They’re shorthand and can help people better understand themselves and the resources they have to work with when confronting obstacles.

Men have long used archetypes from Ulysses to Luke Skywalker to pattern careers after – whether they know it or not, psychologists point out, since the hero myth is one that’s been a part of Western culture for millennia. The problem for women is that traditional myths about independent strong heroines are in such short supply. Some believe this is no accident as it helps to keep women from realizing their power. Indeed, women are more likely to be portrayed as needing to be rescued (Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty) or scary and needing to be stopped. (Think Medusa with her hair of snakes.) Even Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.

Hero of Your Own Life

But the heroines are out there – especially if one is able to look beyond Homer and Virgil to the likes of L. Frank Baum and Lewis Carroll. Like the ancient myths, contemporary stories can be very compelling, helping “to unravel and knit the psyche in the strongest possible terms,” says Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., psychoanalyst and author of the best-selling Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype (Ballantine, 1996). When used most effectively, these stories provide not an outward model to follow, but a mirror that helps the ordinary woman look to the champion hidden within and become the heroine of her own life story.

According to Perschel it helps that the stories, as guides, are open to interpretation on several levels and can apply to almost anyone – which is the whole point of myths. Take the story of Alice in Wonderland, for example. “It’s Alice’s curiousity that gets her down the rabbit hole, so she sees what is going on below the surface,” Perschel says, “Leaders have to be very curious and see things from different perspectives in order to survive. They won’t succeed long if they keep doing things the same old way. Interpreted on another level, women in business are charting new territory. They are not members of the predominant culture that set the rules of the game. They can and must see that culture more clearly in order to understand those rules. Alice in Wonderland is a wonderful metaphor for this experience.

Perschel also looks to more modern sources for inspirational myths to guide leaders, like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. “She’s a transformational leader,” Perschel says. “She’s on a journey toward a vision – the Emerald City. She convenes a team. She has a relational style of leading – not a patriarchal command and control style. She helps each person on the team realize that he has the very qualities for which he longs. Nowadays, leadership is about understanding people’s talents and motivations. It’s about connecting with your staff emotionally to get the best from them. Perschel firmly believes if women hadn’t entered the workplace in such great numbers, we wouldn’t be talking abut emotional intelligence.

Dorothy also thinks a great man (the wizard) is going to give her what she wants, but he really has very little power to do so, as do most CEOs. People must realize their own potential. Dorothy has a female mentor, Glinda the Good Witch, through whom she discovers her own power (the means to get back to Kansas, which was always in her own hands – or more literally on her own feet.)

The self as heroine and the female guide archetypes were especially helpful to Sandra Williams, an executive director for a conservation organization who was looking for a new career direction. (As one of Perschel’s clients she requested that we not use her real name.) Williams thought about running a performing arts center, drawing on her previous background as a producer, but there was not a lot of work available in her hometown. Through coaching she realized that she had been limiting herself by looking for a job that already existed rather than creating her own role.

Perschel also asked Williams to identify her own “Glinda.” “I have a dear friend who has her own business and is a real go-getter,” Williams says. “She tells me to follow my heart.” Williams ultimately decided to offer performance art programs at retirement communities and assisted living centers. “Lots of boomers are retiring,” she says. “There is a market for top notch arts programs in those communities.” Williams has been discussing the idea with her Glinda and is using her feedback and support to develop a business plan.

Why are we drawn to myths just as men are, despite having fewer stories of our own?” “The value of story has little to do with gender. Story has to do with soul,” Estes says. “Once a person is ensouled, she can, with wit and will and a certain amount of wildness, achieve, create and unleash most anything of goodness and worth.”

This article was published in the December/January issue of PINK - a magazine for professional women.

©2012 Germane Insights. All Rights Reserved.

The Heroine's Journey to Career Fulfillment is an original post from Anne Perschel on Germane Insights - Achieving Leadership Excellence through the Art and Science of Psychology