He Grew Up on Mean Street
“He’s a different person. The change is amazing.” VP Human Resources
BEFORE
Smart, driven, aggressive, acerbic, on the attack.
Twice he told people to”Sit down and shut the f— up.”
It was a problem of the heart.
It started long ago when
He grew up
On Mean Street.
He had to be tough to survive so
He grew armor around his heart.
Then he sharpened his tongue, and
Used it as a sword.
IN BETWEEN
I was there on his behalf,
To find him.
So he put down the sword, and when he did I asked
“Would you let me see behind the armor? You can have it back if you need it.”
A picture of two children on his desk.
“If they came home from school and said,
‘Dad, the teacher told me to sit down and shut the f— up?”
Tears filled his eyes
Dissolved the armor
Behind it was his heart
Crying for his children, for his child, for those he had hurt
He said “I am afraid to lose my edge.
It is what got me here.”
I replied “It won’t get you there, where you want to be.”
NOW
He is there.
Where?
A place called Self.
Not a different person
Him Self
To touch the human heart
An honor and a privilege
Future Episodes
- Coaching and the Brain
- Thickening the Skin
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Anne Perschel and Anne Perschel, Mysteriously Unnamed. Mysteriously Unnamed said: New Post: The Heart of Coaching http://bit.ly/gKjKeX [...]
Hi Anne,
Whoa. What an honest and revealing post. The struggle for many leaders is their preconception of what it means to be strong. We learn at a young age: “boys don’t cry”, “you throw like a girl”, etc. The social norms and qualities ascribed to our gender in childhood can permanently cloud the lens in which we view the world, ourselves and those around us.
This gentleman seemed to believe in, and was evidently rewarded for an aggressive approach to leadership. However, his approach was clearly dangerous, demeaning and ultimately caused suffering.
I’ve witnessed women in leadership take this same aggressive approach. As if they can only “make it” by stepping on the backs of others.
Ultimately, you skillfully and gently bring the reader back to the heart of the matter: literally, the heart. I subscribe to the belief that people develop this type of armor to defend their perceived weaknesses. Ironically, these so-called weaknesses are what make them strong, human, leaders.
Our society is shifting. The speed of the shift is so slow it would require a time-lapse camera for the naked eye to witness. Ultimately, transparency, love, empathy, knowledge, personal insight and “letting go of the sword” will define leadership.
I imagine many readers fear this post because it describes behaviors, attitudes and approaches that have led them to positions of power. It describes “group think”…of which we are all guilty of at some point in our lives (I’m reminded of cliques in school, of which I took part).
I applaud your skillful approach to gently assist one man’s pursuit towards his own truth, his true self.
I hope others read this post, share their thoughts and further the dialog that is so often ignored despite how often it’s experienced.
Peace,
Jen
Jen Kuhn´s last post ..Malcolm X- Martin Luther King- Jr- and the Pathetic Leadership of ME
Jen – Thanks for adding value to this discussion, especially with your list of leadership qualities we are moving towards. A group of folks are working on an un-list of leaders and thinkers to watch. Your list will be helpful in identifying the criteria for the un-list and with your permission I would like to share it with your name attached.
Anne, this is beautiful. And a wonderful way of letting others inside a powerful coaching conversation and transformation.
Thanks for sharing it with us.
Mary Jo Asmus´s last post ..Thought-full Thursday-Inner Compass
Mary Jo – Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts. I think of you as someone who also basks in the privilege of reaching behind the outer layer and drawing out the person inside. Here’s to the work we get to do.
Anne!
Grateful to Max Brown for tweeting this post as a MUST READ! It is truly that.
A beautiful story that touches the heart and describes the true blessing coaching can bring.
My favorite part is at the end:
To touch the human heart
An honor and a privilege
It truly is.
Thank you for this great story – I look forward to future episodes!
Sonia
Sonia´s last post ..Self Awareness – the key to Authentic Leadership
Sonia – Thank you. It is inspiring to hear from you and other coaches who experience their work as an honor and a privilege.
There is often beauty and clarity in simplicity. This is a complex story beautifully, clearly and simply told. And, if I were to take only one thing away from having read it, it would be the importance of building the kind of trust that allows one person to be vulnerable before another.
Thank you Anne, for sharing a touching and hopeful story.
Gwyn – Thank you. This post was written after a visit with the client. I believe the clarity and simplicity are connected to the fact that it seemed to write itself. Words flew out my fingertips around 10:00 PM that same evening evening. It took 15 minutes. A few edits the next day and voila.
In Liz Strauss’ words “Ever watch people who love what they do when they talk about their work? They talk about what they do as fluidly as water.”
I am fortunate to do what I love and love what I do. Encouragement & appreciation from friends who are also colleagues, you among them, is a huge piece of the equation as well.
A head bow to your my friend and collleague.
Anne, how lovely that you expressed this story as poetry! It fits the delicious experience of dropping the aggressive shell, the shell that’s only there to protect against pain. Learning to love ourself from inside heals the hurt, wherever it came from. There is a place for forcefulness, but it’s only constructive if its source is love. It may seem odd to talk of love in a business context, but business is not separate from life. Love is always stronger than agression.
Heather – Kudos for putting love, business & life in the same sentence. If more people do this IT, as Jen Kuhn discusses in her comment, will happen faster.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Cedar, Heather Stubbs. Heather Stubbs said: Beautifully put! The Heart of Coaching by @bizshrink : http://bit.ly/gMSeu5 [...]
You are simply brilliant!
Anne, the Sheherazade Queen of Two Thousand and Ten coaching Tales…
Can’t wait to hear, read the next episode!
marion chapsal´s last post ..Put On Your Red Shoes and Talk at TEDWomen!
Anne – simple, lyrical and to the point. Great way to convey a message.
Dorothy Dalton´s last post ..The season of discontent- Singles speak out
Thanks Dorothy. It was an easy post that almost wrote itself.
Beautiful and powerful Anne.
To make a difference in someone’s life, we must find a unique way to present our message.
Lorena
Lorena Heletea´s last post ..Giving 2011 another try the old way Or you DECIDE to improve your Results
Lorena – Thanks for your comment. It made me think about how one apprehends what to say at moments of opportunity when the window opens a bit. I believe that is the art of coaching. At the same time, it is the trust building – credibility, setting the frame, keeping commitments, empathy, and more – that serve as the lever for opening that window of opportunity.
I love when people’s comments make me think, so please come back and, again, Thank You.
Anne,
Thanks for sharing this experience with such simplicity and impact. — The truth always sets us free…
S.
Susan – I’m honored by your comment. The experience impacted me as well and feel privileged to be able to share it.
You are brilliant Anne! A wonderful gift!
[...] Perschel gets at the heart of leadership with Touching The Heart of Coaching posted at Germane [...]
[...] Perschel gets at the heart of leadership with Touching The Heart of Coaching posted at Germane [...]