The good news about reliably difficult interactions in the work place is that you can rely on them. If you can rely on them, you can predict them. If you can predict them, you can prepare for them. If you can prepare, you can conquer.
Reliably Difficult Interactions – Miguel’s CEO
One of my favorite graduate school professors occasionally dropped practical pearls of wisdom, like this one.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Miguel, SVP of Customer Service for a medical device company, used this principle to conquer a pattern of difficult interactions with Jim, his CEO.
Jim has been berating Miguel and his organization, blaming them for customer problems, instead of appreciating their skill in resolving them. Sometimes these difficult interactions occur during executive team meetings.
What’s Miguel to do? What do you do when you encounter reliably difficult interactions? If you’ve got an approach that works, keep using it. If not, try Ready-Aim-Fire.
STEP 1 – READY
- Recognize the pattern
- Miguel and his organization are a target for the CEO’s frustrations with the larger organization.
- He’s more likely to target them when he’s tired, especially after extended travel, or when he gets bad news.
- Name it
- Miguel calls it The Punch.
- De-personalize
- The behavior pattern is related to circumstances, and not about who you are as a human being or your value to the company.
STEP 2 – AIM
- Determine your response
- Picture yourself responding in the best possible way and according to your highest aspirations.
- Name your response.
- This helps you access it immediately – Miguel uses The Door.
- Prepare
- Get a good night’s sleep.
- Avoid other stressful situations before the expected difficult interaction, and
- Take 5 – 10 minutes before-hand to calm your nervous system.
- Mindfulness meditation is a best-practice for doing this.
STEP 3 – FIRE
- Deliver
- Silently name the difficult interaction when it comes up.
- Pause and focus on the out breath.
- Feel your body relax.
- Deliver your response.
Measure your success by your ability to respond in the way you want, not according to the difficult person’s reaction.
If he/she doesn’t react well, you can try a different response next time.
Miguel’s Response
Using Ready-Aim-Fire, Miguel developed a different response to Jim’s punch.
“Jim, I enjoy working here. If you have confidence in me and my organization, I’m happy to continue. But if you’re not satisfied with how I’m leading Customer Service, please tell me. I can handle it, and I know where the door is.”
Jim was stunned and said nothing, as we predicted. The room went silent for a long moment before Jim awkwardly moved to another topic. From that point on, Jim punched less frequently.
Post Script – Miguel left years later for a better opportunity closer to extended family. During Miguel’s exit party, Jim told him, “I’m going to miss you. No one else around here stands up to me the way you do.”