When Leaders Care Too Much
“I care too much and it’s getting in the way” he said.
How?
We went through some tough times this year and revenues took a hit. We cut expenses, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to lay people off and eventually I did, but it took me too long because I care too much. I need to strike a better balance.
A better balance between caring too much and ????
Making difficult business decisions that will hurt people I care about.
So if you cared less you’d be able to make those decisions faster?
Yes.
Okay. What would help you care less about people you care about?
LOOOONG PAUSE.
I don’t know. That’s why I hired you.
(I search my brain catalogue for “leaders-care-too-much”. No results.) I don’t have a formula for helping leaders care less about their people. But we can reframe the problem in ways that will help you make tough decisions faster. Is that the end result you’re looking for?
Yes.
Is it okay if the solution allows you to continue caring a lot?
Yes. That’s okay.
Reframe – from either/or to both/and
Let’s start with how you see your choices and how you might see them differently. You assume an either/or perspective. You either care a lot and put off difficult decisions, or you care less and make difficult decisions faster. What if caring and acting weren’t mutual opposites? What if you could care AND act quickly?
I don’t see how that’s possible.
Have you ever intentionally done something that hurt someone you care about?
No. Not that I can think of.
Has anyone ever cared about you and intentionally done something that hurt you, at least in the short term?
Wait. I thought of something. I care a great deal about my children, but sometimes I have to do things that hurt them – like remove a splinter. In the short run it hurts, but I’m preventing a more serious problem in the future. So I guess I’m caring a lot and don’t want to hurt them. At the same time, I’m willing to hurt them to prevent worse things from happening.
Are layoffs, or any other difficult decisions, like that – short term hurt to prevent bigger problems and bigger hurts.
Yes, I guess by laying people off, I’m saving the company. By saving the company, I’m saving more people from being laid off. But what’s hard is that the people I let go are worse off in the short term. Then again, if I don’t lay them off, everyone, including them, will hurt in the long term. This is what makes it so tough.
Yes, I see. It’s really hard because you care. You hurt when the people you care about are hurt. Nothing will change that. Your goal is to make difficult decisions without dragging your feet, not without feeling any pain. In fact, feeling the pain, prevents you from laying people off unnecessarily or easily.
Still, I would have to exercise every other measure first. Layoffs are a last resort.
Are you okay with that?
Yes. But how do I decide and act faster?
Better Solutions
It seems before you were looking at the people you had to layoff. Were you looking at the people whose jobs you were saving?
Not really.
What if you looked?
That would make it easier to move faster, because the longer I take the more money we lose, the more people we can’t pay. It’s gonna hurt, but it’s gonna hurt faster and we’ll recover faster. You know, I hope we don’t have to do another layoff, but if we do, acting more quickly might allow us to provide a small but meaningful severance and an incentive to folks who come back.
In conclusion, can leaders care too much? No. Caring is not the problem. It’s what you do and don’t do when you care that makes the difference.
You can be a leader who cares and makes better decisions with all that caring in mind and heart.