“I deserve that promotion.” “It’s not fair that I was turned down for that role.” Hopefully you have not uttered these career limiting words to a manager, mentor, sponsor or co-worker. All is not fair in love, war and work – for women or for men. Recognition, promotions, raises, and opportunities for career advancement are part capability, part chemistry, part networking, part politics and part luck – and those parts are not necessarily equal.
I recently interviewed Abbie Celniker, CEO, Taligen Therapeutics Inc. about what women can do and should avoid doing in order to advance their careers. Abbie, who has held leadership roles at Novartis, Millennium and Wyeth, has certainly proven that she understands how to succeed. Celniker advises women to “represent themselves based on confidence in their qualifications, capabilities, and achievements.” Fight for what you think is fair, but don’t assume you will get what you want simply because it is fair. Avoid advocating for yourself based on fairness or “portraying yourself as a victim of unfair treatment.” Relying on these arguments or what you believe you deserve or have earned, is like shooting yourself in the foot.
Why?
“When you present yourself as the victim of unfairness you also portray a sense of entitlement,” says Celniker. She has seen this attitude engender subtle or outright antagonism, even if the listener is not aware of these feelings. When you come across as entitled you leave an impression that is not going to advance your career.
Boys have many opportunities to learn that life is not fair. They find out in playgrounds and in sports, whether they engage as competitors or as fans. The referees, whose role it is to make sure that everyone plays by the same rules – which is what women want – occasionally make bad calls or calls that some players and fans consider unfair. Sometimes the officials just don’t see what happens. That is the nature of the game. Players and fans may protest but they move on and continue to fight for the win. As women we have to do the same if we want to be in the game.
Celniker believes “If gender differences are to be normalized, become something we can discuss openly, and work with entitlement has to end.” It simply brings up too much anger, resentment and defensiveness. When these triplets raise their heads, there is little hope that much will change. After all, when was the last time you put someone on the defensive and they ended up agreeing with you?