First – I hope no one takes offense. This post is intended to make us all laugh, because if we all don’t laugh at ourselves who will?
Second – Please feel free to ad rules as you see fit.
Third – I claim no credit for this list. A friend e-mailed it to me.
Note: The above items are numbered in sequence in contrast to list below. Neither is right. They are just different.
MAN RULES
WE ARE MEN.
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED ‘1 ‘ ON PURPOSE
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND
READERS.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU’RE A BIG GIRL.
IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON’T HEAR
US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
1. CRYING IS
BLACKMAIL.
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT..
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS
ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS
HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE
ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
1. COME TO US WITH A
PROBLEM ONLY IF
YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR
GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE
IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7
DAYS.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON’T
ASK US.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF
THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER
ONE
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT
DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT
YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY
DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED
DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE
WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT,
NOT A COLOR.
PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY ‘NOTHING,’ WE WILL
ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE
HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN
ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR.
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE,
ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE… REALLY.
1. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH
TOPICS AS BASEBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
1. I AM IN
SHAPE. ROUND IS
A SHAPE!
1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP
ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.
BUT
DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT? IT’S LIKE CAMPING.
FROM ANNE PERSCHEL
THE GARAGE IS A ROOM.
WHEN I CLEAN THE GARAGE I AM CLEANING THE HOUSE.
FROM SUSAN MAZZA
WHEN I SAY “HONEY, YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT,” IT MEANS
“I WASN’T LISTENING IN THE FIRST PLACE.”
Have a rule? Please send it as a comment to this post. All appropriate rules will be added.