What is Generous Listening?
We listen generously when we seek to understand another person’s experience, without judgment. Empathy happens. Compassion follows.
Generous listening requires that we stop listening to:
- Form or offer our opinion
- Evaluate
- Critique
- Solve problems
- Make Decisions
Listening with these outcomes in mind is appropriate in some situations, but not when we seek to understand each other at a deeper level.
Generous listening includes
- Letting go of assumptions and previously held ideas
- Being curious
- Discovering more about the other person and ourselves
- Allowing ourselves to be surprised
- Empathizing
Listening with these attitudes allows us to connect. When we connect, our ego recedes. Our common humanity comes forward. We co-create a trusting and caring environment. It’s palpable.
How We Use Generous Listening to Create a More Inclusive Culture
When planning a trip, we draw a map from our starting point to our destination. When embarking on a journey to become a more diverse and inclusive culture, we also create a map. But the staring point isn’t a place. It’s a set of conditions.
How do we discover these conditions?
We convene groups of 8 – 12 employees representing different ethnic, race, age groups, etc. The CEO speaks about the importance of diversity and inclusion to the company’s future. He talks about his commitment to transforming the culture. It helps a great deal if he’s humble and unassuming. The CEO exits. Then we set the purpose, intention and norms for our generous listening session.
We ask people to commit to the norms. They can choose to leave, without negative consequences.
People introduce themselves and identify their diversities.
Then, we ask them to talk about their experience of diversity and inclusion in the company.
Silence follows.
Eventually, someone speaks up.
People listen in accordance with the norms.
- Actively
- Seeking to understand
- Without judgement or attempting to solve problems
What Happens Next?
They tell their stories.
Tim is obese. During office parties, people think it’s funny to serve him tiny portions, and watch his reaction, side eyed. Tim is humiliated and has never said a word. Jake listens empathetically and puts a hand on Tim’s shoulder.
When someone makes a derogatory comment about Terrence’s race, he ignores it the first time. The second time he says, “We’ll resolve this very differently the next time around.” There is no next time. Terrence feels he doesn’t belong here. He’s committed to creating diverse opportunities for members of his race, so he stays. It takes a lot of energy. He’d rather devote the energy to solving business problems.
When Sara started working here she had a mentor and coach who showed her the ropes. She felt included.
Ed introduced himself as a 58 year old white male representing age diversity. The next person identified their race. At that point, Ed revealed for the first time in his 25 years with the company, that he too belongs to that race. I asked why he hadn’t shared this before. “It would have hurt my career.”
Sarah is in tears over the way men in her office have excluded her for 15 years. “I know I shouldn’t care. I should just do my job and not dread going to work every day.” The group reassures her that it does matter.
People connect. Their empathy and compassion builds bridges across diversities. Hurts begin to heal. Trust builds. During our time together people stop using their energy to hide who they are. They’re more relaxed and authentic.
It’s time to end.
No one leaves.
People have more to say.
“The fact that our company is doing this makes me proud to work here.”
“Every employee should have the opportunity to participate in these sessions.”
We oblige.