Hold It Right There
I am writing this blog post while on hold. So far I have heard the recorded message 25 times. “Thank you for calling customer service. A representative will be with you shortly.” Maybe they said disservice. I wasn’t listening that carefully.
When will shortly arrive?
I interrupt this story to bring you the following news update:
The line has gone dead. But wait. What’s this? The busy signal is ringing wildly. You know the one. It means “You’ve been cut off.” Alas, my punishment for being on hold too long.
Back to my story
While on hold, (although honestly I don’t feel I’m being held at all) I eat breakfast, clean the kitchen, feed the dog, administer his meds, answer seven emails, send four tweets, and am about to take a shower confident that I won’t not miss shortly’s arrival. That’s when the line goes dead.
“The purpose of the call?” you ask. I received a letter from Maksin Management Corp – no it does not read Maskin Mis-management Corp – requesting, or perhaps demanding, the completion of another form regarding an insurance claim for our son Jordan. The ER bill for stitching his forehead is $1459.99. I think we’ll pay $1460 and claim the extra penny as a tax deduction. The hospital could use the cash. I digress. Maksin is the college sponsored health insurance plan at Miami of Ohio where J is a junior. The letter instructs me to find “the form” on Maksin’s website by selecting “Client Services College and download the claim form.’ There is no such “selection” tab, menu item or even a search function on their site. In addition the name of said “form” is not indicated in the letter. So I select the only reasonable “form” on the site. It asks for the name of the team, the team manager etc. for whom Jordan was playing when the accident occurred. Hmmm. Do I call it “team party at a friend’s house?” I think not. Clearly the wrong form.
Next Step
I call the 800 number at the bottom of the letter signed by Collen Smith, claims analyst. Might Colleen answer the phone? Fat chance. I listen to the menu of instructions, press the correct numbers and arrive at voice mail because by 4:59 PM EST the phones have been turned off. As I prepare to leave my message I hear, “The voice mailbox is full. Please call back during normal business hour, alternately you can contact us by fax or email.
Next Step
I use the website to send an email to “Info.” It’s an odd name, but what the heck. Info does not respond, so late morning the following day I call again. Stupid me. Return to the top of the page “Hold it Right There” to see what happens next. Then enter the endless do loop right along side me. Perhaps we can hold each other while waiting.
P.S.
Does it sometimes seem they might be doing this on purpose, as if perhaps they just don’t want to provide customer service at all, hoping I will just pay the bill myself? Or am I just being paranoid?
And please, leave your customer comments below. We will get back to you “shortly.”