Learning how to give women effective feedback begins with recognizing and understanding the role unconscious gender bias plays in how we perceive, talk about, and evaluate women in professional roles. The next step in learning how to give women effective feedback involves becoming aware of your own tendencies and making needed adjustments.
Give Women Effective Feedback – Not Personality Critiques
According to a report published in Fortune* 29% more women, than men, receive critical performance feedback. Stated differently, as a manager, either male or female, you’re 15% more likely to give women critical performance feedback.
It gets worse. When male and female managers give women feedback, the critique is most often about personality and style.
“You’re too aggressive.”
“Jessica is really talented, but I wish she’d be less abrasive. She comes on too strong.”
Whereas, managers critique men on skills and behaviors.
“Steve is smart and great to work with. He needs to learn to be a little more patient, but who doesn’t?”
The tone of the feedback is also different based on gender. She receives harsher feedback. His is softer.
He hears a recommendation to adjust his behavior and how it will help.
“Take time to slow down and listen. You would achieve even more.”
She gets lectured on her style,
“You can come across as abrasive sometimes. I know you don’t mean to, but you need to pay attention to your tone.”
The word “abrasive” was used 17 times to describe 13 different women, according to the Fortune report. How many times were men described as abrasive? Exactly zero. This type of personality or character criticism appeared on two men’s reviews, while it appeared on 71 of the 94 critical reviews women received.
What if She Cries?
According to one study men are 40 times more likely to get ongoing timely feedback. This advantages men and disadvantages women, because people who receive feedback immediately after the identified behavior, are more likely to succeed in changing that behavior.
Why don’t women get ongoing feedback?
Dozens of men have told me they worry about what to do if she cries. Here’s my speculation on this concern. Men are stereo-typically and historically tasked with being providers and problem fixers. This applies to “If she cries”. It’s his responsibility to stop the tears, by addressing the problem that caused them. In this case, he may see himself as the cause. Most of us don’t want to experience this kind of self-blame. So, perhaps it’s best to avoid the entire situation.
We also tend to see men as tougher, thick skinned, and less likely to get emotional when we give them feedback.Whereas women are seen as more emotional, ergo more likely to cry.
Winning Coach Auriemma, UCONN ‘s women basketball, talks about the “crying” concern and recommends focusing on your valued employee, not her gender, when giving feedback.
Tips for Giving Women Effective Feedback, Free from Gender Bias
- Give women on-going on-the-spot tear-free feedback
If she cries, move the tissue box in her direction. Ask if she needs a break to regroup. Be assured that your responsibility is to help her develop. That’s the problem you’re supposed to solve. Providing feedback is the solution. Most women won’t cry when they hear it. Some will express gratitude.
2. Vet your formal performance reviews
Armed with the knowledge that women receive more negative feedback, typically about style and personality, check your reviews to ensure feedback:
Focuses on skills versus style
Is based on the consistent criteria for men and women.
Is everyone measured on how aggressive others perceive them to be?
Is level of ambition a common measurement?
Discusses business results and accomplishments
Doesn’t use substantively different terms to describe women versus
3. To assure against unconscious bias, have others vet your reviews. Ask whether they get a sense the review is directed towards a man, a woman, or appears to be gender neutral. Be sure to eliminate names and gender based pronouns from reviews before they’re vetted.
*The study was conducted by linguist Kieran Snyder, who analyzed 240 formal performance reviews from 28 different companies of various sizes and industries. Gender bias played out among both male and female managers who authored the reviews.