Ego – a brief history
Ego is Latin for “I”. No problem there. We all need an “I” as we get started in life.
In 1714 ego was used as a metaphysical term to name, the self; that which feels, acts, or thinks. We need that too. Otherwise who and what are we?
In the 1890s Sigmund Freud further developed the concept of ego. He used it to name the part of you that wards off undesirable instinctual behaviors. As a leader you really need that part, because your actions have a wide impact, and hundreds, if not thousands, broadcast your words.
So far, so good for your ego.
Why You Need to Manage Your Ego
Here’s the rub.
Ego has come to mean overly concerned with your Self. Making your SELF too BIG.
The problem is magnified for you as a leader because you have an important role. A sense of importance can feed your ego and cause it to grow. You’re used to being an important voice in the room. Making BIG decisions. People listen to you. Sometimes they show appreciation. They may even applaud. All this can feed your ego and make it grow bigger.
This happens when you like, or need, the foods of admiration or approval too much. In these cases, Ego disables your prefrontal cortex (PC). PC’s function is to ensure you act with intention. PC prevents you from re-acting thoughtlessly. PC is the part of your brain that plans how you think about and respond to difficult and complex situations.
When Ego hijacks PC, you speak too much. You place too much value on what you have to say and too little value on listening to others. Everyone sees this about you and you earn a reputation for having a Big Ego.
You’re probably not aware when Ego has taken over. Others know, but no one on the inside will tell you. Big Ego has that affect. A good coach might tell you. I definitely would.
When Ego Takes Over – Vignette
To see how easy it is for Big Ego to hijack your PC, read this shortened version of a story from Marshall Goldsmith’s book, Triggers. This can happen to you, even when you say it won’t. Even when you have to pay a price.
Goldsmith suggested two rules for 15 CEOS who joined him for dinner.
We won’t
- Interrupt each other
- Criticize each other, even with humor
They all agreed to follow the rules. There was a $20 fine for breaking either one, and all monies were donated to charity.
Within minutes, someone broke the rules. One CEO ran out of money and had to find an ATM. Fourteen of the fifteen CEOs accrued fines. One didn’t.
How and Why Did One CEO Succeed?
He wrote the rules on an index card. Then set the card under his water goblet, where he could see it throughout dinner.
That simple reminder activated his prefrontal cortex. PC was put in charge of issuing commands “Say this. Don’t say that. Don’t speak. It’s okay to speak now.”
In Conclusion
To manage your ego, create rules – behaviors to practice and those to avoid. Put them in writing. Make them visible when you’re on the playing field.
When my clients do this, they also keep score. Each day they answer the question,
“How did I do today at (desired behavior)”
To ensure accountability, we review their scores. We talk about the situations where they scored well and where they scored poorly. That’s how they learn what helps and what gets in the way. They discuss how people respond to these new behaviors. It’s better than how people responded to the old behaviors.
The index card reminds Ego to take a back seat. That allows prefrontal cortex to take charge. More effective outcomes are the reward. Rewards beget continued practice of new behaviors. Practice makes perfect. In this case, perfect is the ability to over-ride the old default pattern and consciously choose a more effective one.
This is how you manage your ego.