Imagine how life would be different if you communicated and acted purposefully, to align with your highest aspirations. If you could learn how to live such a mindful life, would you put in the effort?
“The emphasis on being “purposeful” is crucial as a counterbalance to the automatic pilot default that inhabits our mind most of the time.
Ryan N. Niemiec, Psychology Today
Living a mindful life begins with noticing when your brain shifts to automatic pilot and takes a leave of absence from the present. It’s been doing this for so long that you don’t notice anymore. Breaking this mental habit, like breaking all habits, takes time patience and repetitive practice.
Practicing Meditation Leads to a Mindful Life
Mindfulness meditation is a highly effective way to practice the skill of noticing when thoughts distract you from the present. The moment you notice you’re gone, you’re back.
Distracting thoughts take a variety of repeating forms.
Future
- Planning
- List making
- Worrying about forgetting something on the list
- Rehearsing
- Worry about what might, or might not, happen
Past
- Replaying
- Regretting
- Critiquing
- Rehearsing the do-over
While meditating you notice your thoughts, along with the emotions and stories they give birth to, instead of being caught in their grip. Practicing this skill strengthens the neural connections needed to notice and question your thoughts in daily life. Then you can choose different thoughts, which lead to different responses. This is how to live a mindful life.
Choosing Mindfulness
As a practicing meditator and teacher, I’ve begun to experience subtle and profound shifts in daily life. One occurred during a return trip from Jamaica.
Antoinette, a large woman seated nearby, is a central player in several commotions. She refuses to swap seats so a mother can sit next to her frightened child. Volunteer seat swappers have to climb over her, because Madam Antoinette won’t stand to make things easier.
After landing, people follow the orderly deplaning ritual. Antoinette, however, charges up and down the aisle searching for her overhead item. She offers no “excuse me’ or “sorry”. Antoinette just bumps people out of her way.
I’m thinking, “What’s wrong with this woman? She has no consideration for others.” The man next to me tries to point Antoinette towards her luggage. I notice and contrast his kindness to my judgmental annoyance (mindful move #1). Finally we’re off the plane and away from Antoinette.
During a long escalator ride, I’m repeatedly bumped from behind. I turn around. It’s Antoinette. Ready to unleash my frustration, I pause instead (mindful move #2). An image of the man who tried to help Antoinette find her overhead item comes to mind. I decide a helpful and kind approach is wiser (mindful move #3), although I’m not feeling the least bit kindly.
“If you’re in a hurry, I’ll move so you can pass.” “No” she replies looking bewildered. “I’ve never been on an elevator before.”
Reaping the Rewards
My story, judgments and annoyance disappear. Antoinette isn’t inconsiderate. She’s taking her virgin escalator ride, flight, and trip outside her home country. She’s confused and frightened. We continue talking. Antoinette is joining her daughter who lives in Boston.
I guide Antoinette to the luggage carousel. Then wait with her until her daughter arrives. I watch as they wrap each other in love and joy.
Mother and daughter express gratitude for my help. I too feel grateful, to Antoinette, for softening my heart.