Why do most of us, myself included, choose our clothes with more A-ttention and IN-tention than we choose our thoughts? Would you buy clothes that make you look bad?
I didn’t think so.
Why then, do we allow our thoughts to make us look bad? Why do we let them run free and unsupervised even when it’s to our detriment? We should choose our thoughts with at least as much attention and intention, as we choose our clothes. The good new is, we can.
Not All Thoughts Are Attention Worthy
We value our ability to think, as well we should. But that doesn’t mean we should value all, or even most, of our thoughts. Here’s why. The brain is a thought producing machine. It operates non-stop 24 hours a day. There is, however, no quality control department up in there.
Some thoughts, particularly those about ourselves, developed long ago and may not reflect who we are now. They’re based on what others said about us, what they didn’t, how they treated us or how they didn’t. When we encounter similar treatment in our current lives, we see it as proof that the thought is true. But the math of this is wrong because we under-notice and under-count positive encounters that reflect how precious, or courageous, or kind, or smart we are. This tendency is so common, it has a name – cognitive or confirmation bias.
You can correct this funky math by training your mind to act as quality control over the thoughts your brain produces. Your mind can learn to discern between thoughts that do, and thoughts that don’t, support the evolution of your true self and the kind of human you aspire to be. You can choose the thoughts that deserve your attention and let go one the one’s that don’t.
Choosing Our Thoughts Can Be Like Choosing Our Clothes
Imagine you’re shopping for a white shirt. You have to walk by the shoe department to get to the shirts. An eye catching pair of shoes grabs your attention. You begin to walk towards them. But then, you remember your mission, turn yourself around and head for the shirts.
How does this apply to unhelpful thoughts? Imagine you’re preparing to present an innovative product idea to senior executives. Your team is counting on you to get funding for the project. As you ponder your opening remarks, the memory of a speech you gave in High School pops into your brain. You recall trembling hands and a shaky voice. You start feeling anxious. Your brain gets tights. Tight brain = limited thinking space = limited possibilities. A thought flashes. “I’ll let the team down if I don’t get the funding.” The negative thoughts spiral.
STOP.
You’re in the shoe department. Shift your attention to your goal and head for the white shirts.
Use this four step process to guide you.
Four Step N-SAS Guide to Choosing Our Thoughts
- Notice – Begin by becoming aware of your thoughts. Noticing thoughts, instead of getting lost or caught in their grip, takes practice. Meditation is the best way to practice.
- Step Back – When you’re caught in a thought your brain gets scrunched. To un-scrunch, take a deep breath. Then, mentally step back and put space between you and the thought.
- Assess – Ask if the thought is helpful, not whether it’s true. We believe many of our thoughts about ourselves and are therefor not the best judge of what’s true and what isn’t. If the thought isn’t helpful move to step 4.
- Shift – Find a thought that supports you and your goal. Want to hit it out of the ball park? Recall a time when you did. Soak in the positive sensations, thoughts and emotions. See yourself hitting this one out of the ballpark too.