Coaching leaders through Covid19 requires being aware of our assumptions and mental models; quieting the mind and listening generously, more so than ever.
As right as it seems to build resilience, manage emotions, and the like, we should avoid steering clients to what we think they need without listening first. It’s hard to listen for the real problem, when we have a pre-conceived solution.
When Covid19 hit, so did the articles, virtual courses and conferences on a variety of topics like building resilience. Everyone wanted to help in any way they could.
Lessons from a resilience webinar were fresh in my mind during a coaching session with Helena, CEO in an essential industry.
Coaching Leaders through Covid19: My big mistake
As the session began Helena shared the pressures her staff is under and how she’s attending to them. Then her mood turned sullen.
Due to the financial impact of Covid19, the exciting innovative work she and her team had planned for 2020 was off the table. Instead, they’ll focus on returning the system to financial health, when the crisis is under control. Helena knows she and the team will get it done, because they ran that rodeo from 2016 to 2019. More of the same isn’t the reward she had been looking forward to in 2020.
Helena’s vision for the future is gone. Given her retirement plans, she won’t see it return during her tenure. Helena was dealing with loss.
Enter my big mistake.
I tried to help her find the strength (aka resilience) to get back on her leadership horse.
What Happened Next
But something was off. We weren’t engaged in the graceful dance of coaching at its best. We were awkward, each leaning in one direction, only to find our partner leaning in the other.
It was a signal to pause, quiet my mind and listen deeply. In that space, I heard Helena’s need to grieve, to be witnessed and met with empathy. I offered a quick apology to redirect us.
“I’m sorry Helena. Here I am trying to solve the problem when what you need is someone to listen.”
“Thank you. There’s no one else who can do that right now. I have to be the public face of our industry, while I’m home without my usual professional support. My family doesn’t understand and I don’t expect them to. I’d turn to my inner circle of peers, but they’re immersed in the crisis and I don’t want to burden them. It’s a lonely place to be right now.”
Helena’s eyes teared as she continued talking and I continued listening. We danced a slow sad dance, but we were dancing together again. By the end of the session her mood was a little lighter, and we agreed to meet again sooner than planned.
Coaching Leaders Through Covid19 – How to give them what they really need
There is no right or healthiest way to respond to this crisis, despite mental models that tell us otherwise. There is only what’s real and true for each client. If a model helps, use it. But don’t start there, because it will interfere with your ability to hear what your client really needs. This is what I’m hearing from some of mine.
People are incredible. You should see how they’re working together and supporting each other. It’s beautiful. We have meetings about Coronavirus the first 3 hours of every day. We’ve got this. What I need is a haven where I can focus on something else – me and my leadership. I’ve never done that before in my career and I don’t want to give it up, especially now. (Hospital President)
Right now we need to focus on how I can help my direct reports lead through adversity. Some are new managers who’ve never faced anything remotely close to this. (Senior Manager, High Tech)
A lot of our projects have slowed because experts we collaborate with are focused on Coronavirus. It’s a good time to step back and think about the future. (Pharmaceutical Executive)
Care to share your favorite mis-takes and learnings? Thanks!!